Goodbye Mysore, Hello Haad Tien

Now that Guruji and family are on their world tour, having closed the shala doors on their way out, I have fled to a small island in the Gulf of Thailand.  I am studying ashtanga with Pattabhi-certified Rolf and Marci Naujoket, and liking it very much.  In between working by email, practicing ashtanga, swimming in the ocean, and not eating (I'm on a 7-day fast -- not eating actually takes more time than eating), I've had some moments to start to reflect on my second trip to Mysore.

In some ways, the second trip was similar to the first, but better.  Far fewer missed practice days (probably about 7 over 3 months), much less drinking and pizza, and closer friendships.  The significant difference is that I seem to be finding a way to be at peace with myself, with the path that I am on, and with my location on that path.  I had another chat with Sharath, and I talked with him about my various struggles, including my occasional missing of classes.  He said, "whatever you are doing, it is enough."  It was good to hear that, and I will try not to misinterpret it!  What I am learning, later than others, is that when I can bring myself to a place of non-judging and non-recrimination, then the things about which I want to judge or punish myself tend to fall away.

So I ended this trip sober and happy.  I am still not binding in Marichyasana D, much less have I achieved sainthood or "Enlightenment."   But that's fine.  Yesterday in Haad Tien (on the island of Koh Pha Ngan), a Mysore shala friend took me to a mountain-top hut for a satsang.  "Sat" is sanskrit for "truth," and "sang" means "company," so a satsang is often understood to mean a group of aspirants getting together to seek and discuss the truth.  In this case, it was mostly one guy standing in front of blackboard and earnestly telling us all about the "awakening" he had when he discovered that there was no point in trying to change himself, because we are all just fine already, and because we can't  be changed anyway.  He said that meditation, yoga, and all of the other methods he previously had used to try to find the truth were all just fine, but totally beside the point, which is that we already are enlightened, and that whatever we are doing in our life, whether "good" or "bad," is just one of a divine series of roller-coaster rides that we should just accept and enjoy.  I am not saying that.  I am pretty sure Sharath was not saying that.

I (and many others -- this is not an original idea) think that human evolution has reached the point where there have been several god-conscious or "enlightened" individuals, just as when the human species was born, there were some apes that had reached the state of self-consciousness, and therefore had become human.  In the category of super-evolved, god-conscious humans, I am of course thinking of the Buddha, Jesus Christ, Ramakrishna, Neem Karoli Baba, and the like.  I am not one of those individuals.  Neither are any of my friends, unless they are keeping it well hidden.  If we are going to achieve god-consciousness or something like it, we are going to have to work on it.  Hey, if I remember my books correctly, even those above-mentioned, highly evolved individuals had to work on it.   The Buddha sat under the bodhi tree meditating for seven weeks.  Jesus went to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.  Ramakrishna and Neem Karoli Baba may or may not have had an easier time of it, but they too had to jump through hoops. 

So coming to accept myself, and learning to be at peace with myself, is not saying that I should forget about yoga, forget about meditation, and instead just go out and get drunk, on the theory that it is part of God's plan, or the divine cosmic amusement park ride.   I am saying that self-acceptance, including acceptance of all kinds of "bad" behavior, makes it less likely that I will engage in that behavior.  More importantly, self-acceptance makes it more likely that I will treat myself (and others) well, that I will make more skillful choices about how to find and stay on the right path for me, and that I will not wallow in guilt-induced defeatism.  Self-acceptance is not contrary to growth.  It is necessary for growth. 

One tiny but perhaps telling example is that after Sharath advised me not to feel guilty about missing class, after I had missed three in a row, I was inspired to climb out of my rut and return to class the next morning.  Otherwise, I might have been too depressed, or embarrassed, to show my face, crazy as that sounds.  I don't need a teacher who is an intimidating, shame-inculcating, authority figure.  I certainly don't need to act that way toward myself.

Wow, that was a longwinded way of making a fairly simple point.  More on good times at Haad Tien later.

Comments

[joey]

Hey Russell, just wanted to say hi... I can't believe you headed for Thailand to practice with Rolf while I'm here slaving away...oh well, that's life.

[tony halmos]

Hi again,

Regarding Haad Thien, I was there in December of 2003, at a time when Rolf happened to be in session. I recommend staying at Whynam Huts. It's over a little hill from Haad Thien. A fraction of the cost of, say, The Sanctuary, and definitely well worth it.

[luke]

russell .... namaste from bangkok. i've been practicing on my own since i left and also got to teach a class at a studio here yesterday. this country seems worlds different from india but still nothing like the west. i may decide to follow your example of outsourcing myself until the bush administration is gone and set up shop here in bangkok. let's just hope jeb isn't next ....

om shanti

[Eugene]

G’day Russell
You haven't posted for some time so I thought I might ready again some of your old ones. I find this one (where you went to Satsang at Haad Tien) very thoughtful. Accepting yourself is the key to living in the present, otherwise you will wish you were something else, whatever that might be, and you would not be happy. I totally agree that accepting oneself doesn’t mean one should stop working towards a goal, but the reaction to failure is different and is important to gauge how you really accept yourself. If one shows frustration over failure, that means he has not truly accepted himself. To accept oneself has to accept failures. If we accept a possible failure of our practice, the outcome of the practice is no longer important. When my yoga teacher says that where I am in the poses is not important, it is the process. This is essentially the same as saying accepting myself.